Hi there. If you’re reading this… wow, that means I finally stopped procrastinating long enough to write it!
(Procrastinating for me usually involves tracking down whatever amusing or nostalgic video randomly pops into my head on YouTube, and repeating this process over and over again until realising it’s 1am, every respectable person went to sleep 2 hours ago, and my life is without meaning or purpose. Yay! I mean just looking at my history… I spent 20 minutes last night watching ‘Everything Wrong With Independence Day 2.’ It was dog shit, that’s what was wrong with it, why did I need to take 20 minutes to be told something I already know?! Then for some reason I watched that Friends clip from 20 goddamn years ago where Chandler tries to quit the gym… ok, bad example because that was 5 minutes well spent. Poor guy just wants to quit the gym… I think I’ll watch it again…)
Setting: Starting 2017 at the tail end of January, at an age where our best days are far behind us (28) I and my *ahem* most trusted companion will leave behind the world-renowned paradise that is the north of England for a whole 3 months, and travel to the east part of the globe. We will attempt to answer the question that has baffled the people of Congleton town for centuries; is there really a world beyond Biddulph? (Biddulph is the uninhabited swamp next to Congleton for those of you who may not know.) Along the way we will encounter… people, I guess? Do… things? See some really cool shit (we hope?) Maybe even learn one or two things about the world, people, and (going really deep here for a moment… ha) ourselves?
This ‘blog,’ if you will, is not for profit (unless you feel compelled to send me money. And why wouldn’t you, you’re a good person. Do what you know is right.) Nor is it a desperate cry for attention (PLEASE LOVE ME.) It’s just one of those things I always wanted to do, y’know, when I got round to it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Well I doubt there will be a better time than now, when I’m actually about to do something interesting for once. This will be my way of keeping you, my loyal, good-looking audience, as up to date as possible on our adventures, depending on Wi-Fi availability/having enough time/my own crippling laziness. That’s if our phones/money/lives haven’t been stolen by Japanese yakuza/Thai ladyboys/New Zealand hobbits.
What follows could either be an unforgettable adventure or the single greatest comedy of errors ever documented. But however it goes, it can’t be as boring as another 3 months in suburban England, right? Either way, whether we succeed & return triumphant, or crash & burn and return to blighty with no pride, money or innocence left… I look forward to sharing it all with you, my friends. And since I can’t take you all with me (the airport security blokes were very unwelcoming last time I tried to smuggle 200 people in my luggage, and those were mostly midgets. What a Tuesday morning that was) this blog will have to do.
A proper look at us, where we’re going, and why will (possibly) follow soon. But first, I have a chance to practice this travel blogging malarky. Because before the Big Tour, in November of 2016 five of us decided to get away from civilisation for a week, to a small, quiet village in the middle of nowhere called VEGAS BAYBAY! More coming soon…